Why I want to Quit Writing

 

I have a confession.  I hate writing books. But it’s not the act of writing that I hate, it’s all the stuff attached to it. Marketing sucks. I waste most of my time and creative energy trying to convince people who are already inundated with heaps of advertisements everyday that they want to read my books.

And most of them don’t.

They don’t give a damn. Nope. Not one damn. And that’s the easy part, the part that I’ve already processed and accepted. I might not like it, but I accept it as fact.

Here’s the hard part. It goes like this:

Okay, so I wrote this book. I wrote several books. Some of them have survived the wolf den and some haven’t. Some of them paid off my car or helped me with my mortgage. Some of them couldn’t buy me a coffee at Starbucks. So what does this all mean for me, and for my future? How much longer can I pour so much energy into something so unforgiving. Something that really doesn’t make any logical sense.

Energy in should at least equal energy out. Right?

Not with this. It’s more like heaps of energy put in until you’ve nothing left to give, and then it asks you to give some more, and then maybe, if you are a very good boy or girl, you might get a little in return.

A little. Not too much, because after all, it doesn’t really give a damn about you.

All right, so here’s the point where I tell you it’s all okay. Ready? All together now!

It’s all okay.

And it is. I’ll always write, because it’s a part of who I am. Will I always publish what I’ve written? I highly doubt it. I see publishing as a phase in my life. One day it will end and I’ll find another way to express myself. If I’m a really good little girl, I might even leave this world knowing I helped a few people or made some tiny indent on the face of planet earth.

Maybe.

I don’t mean to be a downer here, but the old saying, ashes to ashes and dust to dust, comes to mind.

But it’s still okay, because no matter what, I’ll know that I tried. I tried to be of some use to the world. I tried to at least be somewhat entertaining. I tried.

I tried.

The road to Hell was paved with good intentions. Yeah, I know about that saying too. But let’s face it, sometimes good intentions are all you have.

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Why I want to Quit Writing

  1. I can so identify with what you have to say here. The publishing part is where the rubber skids along the highway. I too will never give up writing but man there are days when I want to pour hot tar on the reading world. I agree it’s not their fault and it’s okay but this writer in the garret stuff has only so much romance. Yeah, and I pump out a blog post each day and sometimes a comment or like on it the only reward. Well, I guess it is worth it. . . I suppose. . .What else is there? Thanks, Oliva. I talked myself into another book.

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  2. You nailed it with the energy issue. Every book takes a lot of work to create and announce. It gets frustrating when you get positive responses to that energy, but no tangible reaction beyond those comments. Makes it feel like the push was in vain to some extent. It’s good to hear that you’ll still be writing though. For me, that’s the part I fear to lose much more than publishing. I’d probably still try to submit to agents and publishers if the indie scene died though. That’s just me. Born more to rationalize the writing to those around me. Otherwise they’d get even more in the way.

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    1. Yup. I made an announcement for one of my books and got something like 40 FB shares on that post. I was really excited about it. It never generated into sales, however.
      And as far as justification…. yeah, I’ve got a reputation in my neck of the woods for not justifying myself AT ALL. I know some people who think I’m arrogant for that, but the thing is, I think everything through before making a single move. And I do what I believe is right. If I end up wrong then I just adjust my thinking and go to plan B, or plan C, or plan D. I don’t need their two cents. http://www.idon‘tcare.com

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      1. That happens on Twitter all the time. Great promo reaction in terms of spread and attention. Not much on sales, so it doesn’t help me figure out if things are working.

        I’ve ways had to justify myself around here. There’s a weird tradition or belief that I always need to be saved fro myself. So I’m surrounded by naysayers and devil advocates.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sorry. I hate to say it, but they probably come down harder on you because you’re male. I know, here we go round the merry-go-round again…

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      3. Yes, probably so. Unfortunately the arts aren’t nearly as respected as they should be. We’re like the dung heap of society, and yet we’re the ones who tell it like it is. Life imitating art. Art imitating life. Now that I read what I just wrote, I realize that might be why we aren’t respected. Hmmm…

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  3. I have always admired your artistic ability. You are very talented in your artwork, photography, dancing and writing. I love that about you. I hope you succeed and don’t give up on your dreams.

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    1. Thank you. That was really sweet! It’s not even about success though. It’s about being who we are each meant to be, and the lives we impact throughout ours.

      Like

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